I have had a rough case of the baby blues. It's not an every day thing anymore like it was at first, but I still have my "sad days." I have been hesitant to write about this because I don't want anyone reading this to think I don't appreciate and love the life I have. Every day I thank Heavenly Father for a wonderful husband, a beautiful little girl, a nice place to live, Chris's job that provides for us, a supportive and loving family. I guess that is why I feel so guilty those days that I can't stop crying and I don't feel like talking to or seeing anyone. I feel guilty and frustrated because I am not enjoying my life to the fullest those days. It has been hard. There have been many days where I haven't felt like myself. And when I looked in the mirror, I didn't look like myself. Especially when the Bell's Palsy was at its peak. I have felt like a burden because I don't work anymore and I have felt unattractive when I couldn't fit into my skinny jeans. And I was, of course, sleep deprived.
I knew that Chris hurt so bad seeing me like this. And I didn't have the energy I needed to play with Greta all the time. But I had faith it would get better and I was willing to work at it...naturally. A major role in my self-cure has been walking. I take Greta out in the stroller 5-6 days a week and we walk. A little over three miles. I think a lot during that time and Greta usually sleeps. I come back, so refreshed and feeling a little better about myself. I also have found the importance of service. Doing something small, but sweet for Chris or SOMEONE every day has helped me get my sense of self-worth back. A clean home has also helped me find the peace I need. I try to keep up with all of the housework every day. It helps me not feel overwhelmed and allows the Spirit to dwell in our home. I do something for myself. It might be a nice, long shower and shaving my legs. Chris lets me go tanning when I want to. I love to paint--and I have been doing that lately. Lastly, and most importantly: prayer. I know that letting God know that I am struggling and I hate that I am struggling and I am trying to be happier, allows Him to help me. He is my Father in Heaven and WANTS to help me be happy. That, in my opinion, would be His favorite thing to do for any of His children.
Greta has been sleeping 10 hours straight now and the Bell's Palsy is gone for the most part. A little pain lingers on the right side of my face, but I am living with that just fine. My jeans are fitting better and better each day and I feel happier now than I ever have been. This weekend, we had the opportunity to go to the temple while Brandon and Steph watched Greta. (Thanks guys!) I really needed that and I didn't know how much until I was sitting in my white dress, with my husband, completely at peace. I knew I was right where I needed to be. It was truly an answer to prayer.
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I'm really glad you decided to share. I hope you know how much it helps me and other moms to hear you are not alone...I remember feeling those same things after each of my children. I didn't feel normal, like socializing, pretty, etc. until my babies were like 3 or 4 months old. Our hormones are so much to deal with at times, but I'm so glad you've found things to help you cope. Thank you for being willing to share.
It's amazing how down you can get after having a baby huh? I still have moments. I want to say it gets easier, it doesn't. You're going to be in the phase now where Greta will be more and more active and demanding. Nursing will be a HUGE struggle because she will be easily distracted and life will get more hectic. The good thing is, remember those feelings about how much Heavenly Father helped you. Remember prayer! it is such a powerful thing. I love you Julia, and remember, I am ALWAYS here for you. Even if we chat via email. I think that email is the best way especially for us busy mommies. I'm glad you're feeling better. Love you girl. Give Greta a big kiss for me. Oooo my I love her so much. And remember, Chris is a rock star husband and father. Remind him that you need help sometimes. I am SO stubborn and will wait until the breaking point before I ask for help. Don't wait. okay...love ya!
Oh Julie! I am so sorry. Having a baby is so hard. It messes with your hormones and can totally bring you down. When you think about it, it makes sense. You've had this other little person invading your body for 9 plus months, and then if you're nursing, you still don't feel good! I bet it's therapy in and of itself just sharing it though. You seem to be doing so well. Getting out is really a great thing. Are you still living in Idaho by chance? Creed and I are coming to visit in about a month or so. We'd love to see you guys and your sweet girl!