When we shared that we’d hired a designer for Merrimore House, the questions came in fast. But one of you, Ginger, asked it in the comments better than I could:
“I need a designer for a bathroom remodel and kitchen update. Other than going to a box store, how do I find one for me, not the masses?”
For me, not the masses. That’s the whole thing, isn’t it? The good news is, a bathroom and a kitchen are exactly the kind of projects I’d hire a designer for. They’re literally where I started: Jean helped us with our primary bathroom and our kitchen, Shea designed the exterior of our last house in Idaho, and now — for the first time — I’m the client on a whole-house project with Kate. So I’ve been on every side of this.
Here’s everything I’d tell a friend who wanted to find a designer who’s their style — not the masses’ — and then actually communicate that style once they found them.
First, know your own style well enough to name it
This is the part people want to skip, and it’s the part that matters most. A designer can’t chase a moving target. Before you go looking for anyone, get honest with yourself about what you actually love — not what’s trending, not what looked good in someone else’s house, but what you want to live in.
Here’s the truth I keep coming back to: I might know exactly what I want, but there are so many things I don’t know how to do, or that simply aren’t in my skill set. Knowing what you want and knowing how to execute it are two different things, and the gap between them is where a great designer lives. Your job isn’t to figure out the how. It’s to be crystal clear on the what — and the feeling underneath it.
When we bought the lake house and were even coming up with the name, Chris and I sat down and asked ourselves what we wanted it to feel like. The answer was: more joy. More happiness. That sentence did more to guide the whole design than any single paint color could.
Where to actually find them (other than a box store)
Here’s the thing about the box-store design desk: it’s built for volume. The whole model is set up to move a lot of people through a fairly standard set of options — which is exactly how you end up with “the masses.” There’s nothing wrong with it, but if you want someone for you, you usually want an independent designer who works one home at a time. And the best one for you is almost always closer than you think:
- Ask your trades first. This is my number one. We found Kate at Noble Studio Interiors because she already works with our contractors on other projects. The people who build and remodel homes all day know which designers are easy to work with and who actually deliver. If you’ve got a contractor or tile guy lined up for the bathroom and kitchen, ask them who they love working with.
- Ask the friends whose homes you’d want to live in. A personal referral from someone whose taste you trust beats a search engine every time.
- Look at whose work makes you feel something. Search local designers on Instagram and Pinterest, and don’t save the rooms that are the most photographed — save the ones that make you go oh, I want to live there. When you notice the same name behind three or four of those, that’s a style match talking.
- Talk to more than one. When we hired a designer for the first time, we reached out to three we loved and respected. Meet a few before you commit. Ours ultimately came down to budget, location, and availability — all the real-world stuff that matters as much as taste.
And one thing that takes the pressure off: for a bathroom and a kitchen, you do not need to hire someone for a whole house. Plenty of designers work room by room, or offer a smaller consultation or design package for exactly this kind of update. That’s how I brought Jean in — specific rooms, not the entire place. So don’t let the size of your project talk you out of finding your person.
The green flag to listen for
When you meet someone, here’s what you’re listening for: Do they want to absorb your style, or sell you theirs?
What sold me on Kate was something she said early on — that whatever our style is, she wanted to absorb it. And she meant it. She quietly made sure she fully understood our style before adding a single idea of her own. It honestly felt like being at the eye doctor — one, or two? one, or two? — narrowing in until she could see exactly what we were seeing.
That’s the person you want. Someone who can take your point of view and then elevate it somewhere you weren’t already thinking — not someone who replaces it.
How to talk to them about your style
Once you’ve found your person, this is where you set them up to succeed. The clearer your brief, the more you the final result will feel. Here’s exactly how I do it:
Lead with how you want it to feel. Before a single finish, tell them the feeling. “I want it to feel like joy the second we walk in.” “I want it calm.” “I want it to feel like us, but the most rested version of us.” Feeling is the compass everything else gets measured against.
Send everything — before you even meet in person. I sent Kate all of my inspiration for the lake house ahead of time: how we wanted it to feel, what we wanted it to look like. For the exterior, I handed designers our budget, current photos of the house, and a Pinterest board of everything I’d been collecting. Give them the full picture in your head, externalized.
Walk them through the actual space. We did a walk-through of the whole house and showed them every layout change we had in mind. Photos are great; standing in the room together is better.
Be specific about your loves and your hard nos. For the exterior, we told them flat out: we love the look of stone, but we want something dark and moody. Specifics like that save everyone a round of guessing.
Say where you’re flexible. Just as important as your nos. We told them we liked the front porch but weren’t married to anything, really. That gives a good designer permission to surprise you in the places where surprise is welcome.
Ask the budget question out loud. It’s not rude — it’s the most useful thing you can do. We literally asked, Is this even realistic with our budget? Better to hear the honest answer on day one than to fall in love with a plan you can’t build.
Let them be honest with you
One more thing, and it’s a green flag too: you want a designer who’ll tell you the truth.
A designer who only ever agrees with you isn’t doing the job you hired them for. The right one will protect your vision and tell you when something’s off.
That’s the whole formula: know your style, find someone hungry to absorb it, then hand them everything — the feeling, the photos, the budget, the loves, the nos, and the permission to be honest. Do that, and what comes back won’t be their house or a catalog’s house. It’ll be yours, just better than you could’ve pulled off alone. That’s how you get a designer for you. Never the masses.
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