It's been just over a week since we lost Charly and while we're still hurting, and there are still several moments every day where her death hits me like a tidal wave, there are good times, too. Times where we can remember her happily, instead of through sobbing tears. Through this difficult time of losing our beloved dog, there have been so many people that reached out with kind words or deeds that we appreciated so much.
I wanted to compile a few here for those that might not know what to do for someone that has lost a pet, or if you are the one that has suffered through a loss--there are some ideas of things we did ourselves to keep the memory of Charly alive in our home.
1. Validate it as a great loss. Charly was my first dog, and I admit, I didn't realize how badly it was going to hurt to lose her. I was inconsolable. I cried myself to sleep for many nights. Losing her was the greatest loss I ever experienced and one thing that helped was when others acknowledged that. I think this is truly the most important thing anyone (and everyone) can do. Some people that don't have pets may not realize the loss, but the most comforting conversations, comments, messages and texts were the validating ones, "This must be devastating for you." "I'm so sorry for your loss." "She was such a big, cherished part of your family, I'm crying with you." are just a few of the simple examples of condolences that really helped.
2. Take family photos. Because we knew the date we were going to have to put Charly down, we were able to have one last family photo session--pictures we'll cherish forever! My friend, Whitney, who is a great photographer volunteered to come over and take them in our home and I'm so grateful. If you can operate a camera, offering to take photos of a family with their pet is something they'll always remember.
3. Send flowers/something edible. If you feel the desire to send something, we received beautiful flowers, chocolates, cookies and even meals that put a smile on our face and helped us know someone was thinking of us and Charly.
4. Engrave a Necklace. My friend gifted me a beautiful vertical bar necklace with Charly's name engraved on it from this etsy shop. It's delicate and simple and a way I can have her with me all the time. It definitely made me cry.
5. Get a copy of Dog Heaven. A friend brought this book over for our family the day before Charly died and it not only helped our daughters, but also me and Chris. It's a comforting, tear-inducing book about where dogs go and what it's like after they die. (There's also a Cat Heaven book.)
6. Have a Professional Portrait taken. We took Charly into a local photo studio, Josh Peterson Photography, to have her portrait taken. This was something I wish we would have done long ago, but I'm so grateful we did it before she passed.
7. Get A Stuffy. A friend bought each of our girls (even Polly!) a stuffed animal that looks just like Charly shortly before she died so they'd never have to be without a Charly. They sleep with them. They brought them to school for Show and Tell. Greta has definitely had a difficult time since Charly passed and when she misses real Charly, she hugs her stuffy and it helps.
8. Memorialize with Art. We received two beautiful paintings after Charly's passing that now grace the walls of our home and help us always remember our Charly girl.
First was a very realistic watercolor pet portrait from Jamie Clark Art. (Her pet portraits start at just $68)
And second was a beautiful abstract watercolor from my sister, Victoria (artbyvbm on Etsy), who captured us perfectly in just a few color-blocked strokes.
9. Make an ornament. Taking off Charly's collar was a very emotional moment. We strung a ribbon through her dog tag, a pink bone that reads "Charly" to make an ornament. Last year, we also made a clay imprint of her paw, using this kit, to hang on our tree and I'm so happy we did!
10. Let Yourself Grieve. When all is said and done and gifted and memorialized, your heart is still going to hurt. You're still going to cry. You're still going to miss that furry member of your family. And all you can do is learn to let yourself grieve. It's a painful, but necessary thing we're going through right now. We thought, maybe getting another dog right away would help, and I think it will when we're ready, but right now our hearts are still healing. We're enjoying remembering her through telling stories and looking at photos and keeping her memory alive within our home.
I know we're not alone in this, because so many of you reached out with similar experience--thank you. Was there something that helped you during your pet's passing that I missed?
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Thank you so much for this...I loved your ideas! This was sent to me by a very loving friend who was so thoughtful!
We had to put our beloved dog Ryder down 2 days ago, on Mother's Day morning. And you are so right, people that have no pets are pretty clueless of how much it hurts to gently let a pet go. But most of our friends absolutely knew how to provide a bit of comfort to my husband and I, which we will never forget. I was so glad that I spent the last night sleeping with Ryder down on the floor next to my bed, and got to have us curl up together as we slept. He was 80 pounds and could not walk anymore and was in so much pain from a back injury (from chasing squirrels, lizards, butterflies, opossums, and even reflections on the ground and more in our backyard - He had a a tremendous prey drive!). Since he was a rescued senior dog, and we had provided with a loving home for the past 4 years, we knew we needed to gently let him go the the next morning. I will definitely read the recommended book and also have a friend of ours watercolor a beautiful painting of him.
I’ve cried myself to sleep the last two nights; this morning I googled how to cope with the death of a pet. I went on IG as a distraction a few minutes ago and saw your post. Thank you. Thank you for understanding how real and hard this is. Some of your ideas had crossed my mind, then I second-guessed myself, is it too much? I haven’t shared his passing with anyone outside my immediate family, I don’t think they would understand. Your posts and reading comments from your other readers have helped.
Also, I think gifting something related to the pet might be another good idea. Just check what I found here -https://www.giftideasclub.com/gifts-for-pet-loss/ and you will know what I am talking about.
Thank you so much for writing this. I’m sorry you had to go through this horrible loss to find the right words to comfort others, but I’m so thankful to have read it. My sweet cream colored 17-year-old Persian cat Sammy is currently in the final stages of Kidney Failure. He’s an extension of my soul and I got him when I was 9 so I can barely remember a life without him. It’s soul shatteringly painful to lose a pet. The anticipation and realization that my time with him is going fast has broken me in half and the grief has been hard to overcome at times. I’m going to be getting something with his name engraved and I think photos would be a great idea and you made me realize I should record his purr (it’s so loud and is always the soundtrack to my bedtime). Your article really helped me, thank you.
Emily x
Hey I read your post , I lost my dog Sarah
This year in November 2019
She was a yellow Labrador retriever
Almost 12 years old
She was sick and could hardly walk anymore
My dad has to put her to sleep and I’ve just been crying so much
Thank you for sharing your loss to Charly. I know how painful it is because recently our dog passed away and we did not understand why we are so affected even though we knew already that this day will come, Our Naenae was a senior dog and he was diagnosed with Kidney failure and after his pet cremation in Chantilly we realized that his loss was so devastating and we need to help each other to moved on this situation. Please refer to this link: https://thepetlosscenter.com/our-locations/chantilly/
Thank you so much for your article ! We lost our beloved Bulldog way to early in life! Only 8 years! She was like our only child! It came so fast! Within 3 days cancerous tumor wrapped around her heart we lost her! We are having a hard time getting thru the grieving ! We loved her so much! If it wasn’t for your article and family I would want to follow my Ellie to heaven!
Hi, I wanted to let you know how helpful this post has been for me. I lost my cat, Stuart, of 13 years yesterday. He was my best friend and soulmate. Three months ago my relationship with my boyfriend of 3 years ended and Stuart was a constant comfort, now that he is gone I am in so much pain. I didn't realize the physical pain until I read that in your post. I'm going to memorialize him with a necklace and a piece of art to always remember him.
Thank you for sharing this and being honest about the grieving process, it helps to know that we're not alone.
Hi I was reading your post I lost my yellow lab 15 yrs with him ...Calvin. My goodness I miss him and cry everyday. I realize this is the grief process but I agree it is physically painful. My heart aches. I long to hug him and touch him and it so hard. I will love you my Calvin for a thousand life times!❤️????
Hello. I stumbled on this blog searching about pets and if they grieve. I just lost my beloeved ~4-5 month old puppy who had just survived parvo and hookworms only a few days ago after nearly dying to it. Today some workers were doing work under and around the house and needed into the fenced in yard. So I brought my two puppies inside while they worked. Once they told us they finished in the yard, I let them back out. Not long after, my mom informed me when she went outside in the other yard, the gate was open and all 3 of our dogs had gotten outside but that she got them back in the fence.
When she told me, I went to give them some water and noticed my Rosie wasnt there. I looked everywhere. Went door to door. Few hours later we received word that she was found hit by a car, not that far away, a kind man saw her and took her to the vet and she needed a leg amputated, but she passed away on the table. I've had pets before but none in such a horribly cruel way and none mere days after surviving almost dying, only to die anyway. I'm so completely devastated. I've always been more of a cat person... but Rosie was so special to me. The sweetest, happiest puppy. She followed my every step, it was so adorable. I miss her so much.
I was always thinking I wanted to start learning how to draw pet portraits and I wanted a picture of my two girls (they were sisters of the same litter thingy). I think I'll also get one printed and framed. I wish I had more pictures together with her, she was a pretty big pup though.
Thnk you for anyone who took time to read this. And Julia, I am sorry about your Charly. :(
Sorry, I didn't hit to reply to someone else's comment so I am not sure why mine is put here as a reply to another. =(
My brother's dog was put down yesterday (we knew the time was coming, but thought he would make it a little longer). Thank you for writing what helped you and your family get through Charlie's loss - I'm planning on getting the book you recommended for them and am considering getting a painting of him as well. I hope your family is doing well <3
I am just reading this but on 9/21 I had to let my sweet Chloe go. I'm tearing up writing this because I was the one with her and taking off her collar was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I so appreciate knowing that someone else feels this way. I have gotten some negative feedback about still grieving for her ( "a dog") but she was special to us and she was a rescue with a tragic, terrible start and i felt so committed to her having a good life with us and a safe, comforting end of her life compared to the start. I'm so sorry for your loss and thank you for sharing!! This post - not decorating ideas- will make me a blog follower!!
I'm so sorry for your loss, Julia. Charly was such a beautiful dog, and I felt how much she was a part of your family every time you talked about her or shared pictures of her. This is heart breaking, and I truly appreciate the ways you shared that you and others have honored her. I've always wanted a dog although I'm allergic, but as a kid, I had a cat named Patches I adored. It broke my heart when she died. Now my own little family has a cat, and your loss of Charly has definitely prompted me to cherish our time with her.
I think the most important thing is having people acknowledge your loss and your grief, too many dismiss the love we feel for our fur babies as less important, and the acknowledgement is so important. I love the idea of a necklace with the name engraved, but I'd also suggest a tattoo, so you can have her on your skin :) sending you love
My heart is aching for you. My beloved beagle passed almost one year ago, and the pain is sometimes as fresh as it was the day it happened. She was my first "child" and losing her was losing a part of my life. She was with me right as I embarked on my first job after college, an engagement, buying my first house, marriage, a child, divorce, and the sudden loss of my father. When I look back on my adult life, she was there. Sometimes helping to create the background in my day to day life, and sometimes at the front and center of my happiness, my accomplishments, my grief. She was the constant, and when she was gone, she took with her a part of who I was. Do not shy away from your grief, and also don't hesitate to laugh, smile, and remember. Pets are not just pets, they are family. They should be loved, missed, and grieved just as any other human family member would be. Be easy on yourself and know that you got to share such a lovely part of life with such a wonderful animal.
Thank you I like your message I lost my love a Lab in Feb few months ago. I miss his presence everyday.
I'm so so sorry for your family's great loss. Our dog left us very unexpectedly last year, and while things have definitely gotten better and I can think of happy memories of her, I sometimes still cry when I think of her. Let yourself and your family grieve as long as you need. There is no timeline and don't let anyone make you think there is. Also know that you aren't alone. Grief likes to make us think we are alone, so allow people to help you and envelope you in love. You will all get through this, and one day, you will all be together again. The love you shared with Charly will never be broken ❤
I'm so sorry Julia. Losing my dog was the most difficult loss I've experienced as well. A message from a friend at the time read, "feel everything you need to feel-- he deserves all of it". I'll never forget that. It's so hard to know what to say sometimes, and this was exactly what I needed to hear.
So-- feel everything you need to feel. Charly deserves all of it.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Based on the stories and pictures, Charly was an amazing family dog!
Our "puppy-cat" Magnus died unexpectedly this summer. He was a beautiful, funny, smart cat who acted like a dog. I miss him so much! and almost didn't read this because his death still feels raw some days. He was three and suffered a sudden, massive blood clot/heart failure. I heard him screaming at 3 am, rushed him to the vet. The only option was to put him to sleep. The condition was genetic and there were no signs in his vet check-up three months before.
Neither knowing in advance or being surprised by a pet's death doesn't ease the loss. They're family. I appreciate this post. It's good you can share about Charly's loss. It gives others an outlet and recognition of the hurt.
Grieving is different for every person and family. Some things I found helpful were planting a special plant in his favorite spot in the garden, placing his ashes in a special spot, and a paw print to hang and making a list of favorite memories or characteristics. Every time I have a sad "I miss him" moment, I try to remember a happy, grateful memory. Good luck!
Thank you so much for your kind words, I just lost my dog to cancer on Monday. I have never experienced a lost like this, he was part of me and part of my identity. I would brag about how I was a dog mom and show his picture to everyone! Since the vet suspected cancer I felt as though I had to get an MRI. The MRI costs 1,700 dollars. I am a grad student and the costs seemed very overwhelming to me. My friends convinced me to start a “Go Fund Me” account and the money was raised in about 24 hours. Everyone has a dog story and everyone wants to help, if anyone has medical expenses, give people an opportunity to help!
These are all good, helpful ideas. Beau, my Shih tzu of 13+ years died about a month ago. One thing I wish I had now is some video of him, of just everyday things. Like the way his collar tag would clank on the side of his bowl when he would noisily drink his water. Or the way his ears flapped when I was walking him. I have lots of still pictures but only one 17 second video.
Julia, thank you for writing this post. We lost our cat about a year ago, unexpectedly. So I can relate to what you're going through. Sending love.
So sorry about the loss of your beloved Charly. Our pets truly do become members of our family. I have had my dog Bentley for 9 years. My late life partner and I got him as a puppy, and he and I were the only ones with my partner when she passed away. I honestly believe that dog has kept me going the last 2 years since her death. He is such a comfort to me, and I will be absolutely devastated when I lose him. You have given wonderful advice about the loss of a pet. Thank you!
We too lost our beloved family member, Dexter, last week. It was a catastrophic back injury and we had little time to prepare for the loss. We have another basset hound at home and the emergency clinic suggested bringing her in to say goodbye as well. It was the best advice. Rosie had a chance to comfort her brother and say her goodbyes as well. She is quiet and sad right now but she is not searching for him so I think it was good for her to be part of the process.
Losing a pet is hard, it is sad, and it is life-changing but it will get easier over time. You always remember your “first”. For your girls, it is a life lesson and they will relate to it when they lose a human loved one.
Wishing you peace in the weeks to come.
I was already crying from reading these posts about Charly all at once but this comment made me actually sob... Giving other animal family members the chance to say 'goodbye' -what an absolutely wonderful idea (one I will be sharing with everyone I know who has a family with fur siblings). I am so sorry for the loss you are all experiencing. (To echo the sentiment of another commenter: When my Grandma died I was spiraling towards a darker side of loss when, in the middle of a dance class, I realized my grief meant I had loved deeply. In that moment, my perspective shifted so that whenever the waves of sadness and loss washed over me (often at unexpected times; catching me off guard), laced with the emotion was a new understanding -what a blessing! to have loved and been loved so profoundly... My grief was not lessened or diminished but transformed from a darkening weight to an enlightening sense of gratefulness. ) My heart is with everyone who has shared their loss here....
I'm so sorry for your loss. Charly seemed like the best of the best. I lost my dog of 11 years in March of this year and it still feels so raw. He was a Hurricane Katrina rescue and I got him when I was 21 so it felt like we grew up together.
A couple of weeks ago I received a card in the mail from the LASPCA (I live in Louisiana) letting me know that a friend had made a donation in my dog's name. Receiving this card in the mail months later made me cry for several reasons - It was such a lovely the gesture from a friend who wanted to show they cared and that they're still thinking of him and understand that we're still grieving, it helps shelter animals, and because we still really miss our boy.
Thank you for sharing the donation idea.
I had 3 pugs and the first two passed away 4 years ago and the 3rd just last February. They were the loves of my life and I still cry thinking about them being gone. Your situation and all the others I read here just break my heart and I cry as I write this. It is comforting to know that there is such a great community of people that understand how much these creatures mean to us. I planted three rose bushes in my backyard in memory of them. Yellow for Herbie. Bright pink for Cassidy. And light pink for Tatum. I plan to spread their ashes with my dad's ashes in the mountains. Anytime I hear of someone losing a pet I try to tell them what I would want to hear. Or if appropriate sending a card acknowledging their loss. Hugs to your family.
We had to put our cat to sleep last September. What we thought was worsening arthritis turned out to be a tumor. She was 15. Like you, we got a last bit of time with her; our vet gave us three days' worth of strong pain meds - kitty morphine, she called it - and we took her home for a last little bit of cuddles, favorite foods and photos. Having those last three days meant a lot. I wouldn't have wanted to draw out her suffering, but I would definitely recommend when losing a pet to old age or illness that one last weekend of making memories and saying goodbye, if possible, helps ease regrets.
Thank you for posting this. When you first wrote about Charly's prognosis, my heart broke for you and your family. I couldn't imagine having to go through that. Unfortunately, this last Sunday, my beloved labradoodle Brutus died in a freak accident. I'm beyond devastated. I can't eat, sleep or think. I've cried myself to sleep the last two nights; this morning I googled how to cope with the death of a pet. I went on IG as a distraction a few minutes ago and saw your post. Thank you. Thank you for understanding how real and hard this is. Some of your ideas had crossed my mind, then I second guessed myself, is it too much? I haven't shared his passing with anyone outside my immediate family, I don't think they would understand. Your posts and reading comments from your other readers has helped. Knowing I'm not crazy for loving him so much and hurting so badly is helping me get the strength I need to put his things away and be present with my husband and kids. I only hope he, in some way, knew how much he meant to me and how much he made life better.
Oh Debbie. I am so sorry. Shortly after we found out, we considered keeping it to ourselves, but I can't express how much support and love and comfort we have received from sharing our loss with others. I hope you find comfort soon.
Thank you for being so open and sharing this with us all. I know the day is coming soon for our almost 14 year old beagle and these are some great tips.
Kelly, my childhood dog is a 17 year old beagle and this really hit home for me. He still lives with my parents 4 hours away from me. I have started excepting we wont have much longer with him as he has started to physically decline. When I go back home leaving him is always the hardest because I never know if this is the last time I will see him. Beagles are great dogs!
Julia, I am so so sorry. I cannot imagine what you are going through but I was about Greta's age when I lost my first dog and my brother was around the same age as Faye. My parents got her right after they were married and I remember my mom being devastated. Your love for your animal is so real. Holly was also a protective, huggable, gentle giant like Charly as a German Shepard Husky mix and I still keep her collar to this day. My parents waited about two years before we got Buster, our beagle above and while it definitely does ease the pain they can never be replaced. Thinking about you all during this time.
Came back here to reread my comments and others after I lost my beagle, Buster, today. My heart aches that I could not be with him or my mom, who was the only person in our family home, as he passed. We were hoping to get our last Christmas card with him in it over Thanksgiving and now the card will feel so empty. I will have to use one of these ideas for my family for Christmas. All the support on here for Charly helps me see we are not alone in our love for our furry friend </3
What wonderful sentiments. Thank you for posting your beautiful photos. I have a girl Charlie too. I've been down that road and it's never easy. ❤️????????
We put our beloved dog of 14 years down on Friday and we're all so heartbroken. Loving this post, thanks.
The Tenth Good Thing About Barney. Great book about losing a cat. Have used it for years to help children learn and process death. It also involves planting a tree for memory. I still miss childhood pets and its been decades. They stay in your heart.
Thank you so much for sharing this! As a dog lover and owner of a senior dog, I know how difficult this must be for you and I am so sorry you have to go through this. I could barely read this without crying So I can only imagine being you and sitting down to write it. I love all your amazing suggestions to remember our furry children and will make sure to take a few for my girl. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Probably one of the greatest reminders of my Newfoundland was a hand sculpted earth fired piece that I had commissioned of her when she was about 8 years old. Found an artist who did these amazing animals and then inquired with the gallery and they put me in touch with the artist. It captures her funny head cocked way of looking at you. And interestingly enough resembles the body of the rescue Newfoundland who came into our life shortly after losing Ruby to bone cancer. It is not a petite piece and then again neither is a Newfoundland. The pain never quite goes away and it can be softened with time. It is the promise that we make for their unconditional love to give them a pain free end with grace.
It hurts no matter what kind of pet. When my daughter's hamster passed it was incredibly sad for the whole family. That little hammy was a great comfort and friend to her when she was going through a tough time. We now are facing it again with her second one. It definitely helps to acknowledge everyone's feelings about it and not diminish them. My daughter made her own artwork of her hamster after she passed and then we framed it. It was cathartic for her to make a memory of her own as well as having pictures.
Your post touched me in a way I wasn't fully prepared for. I've lost two dogs in my life, both childhood friends who grew with me (I'm 27 now). The second dog, Cookie, passed away just a few months ago, so it still feels very fresh. She had bone cancer also and we thought we were 'prepared.' We knew Cookie was incurably sick for almost 2 years and those years were such a gift. When she passed, when her pain got to be too much, it was a comfort knowing that she was telling us it was her time. I'm a newlywed and have adopted my husband's dog as my new little shadow and she has definitely helped with my own grieving process, but I know for my parents, who are now true empty nesters, bringing my dog over to visit and have "puppy play dates" has helped ease them in. They aren't ready for another pet, but it gives them moments of joy. We are also planning to get them an ornament commemorating Cookie's life and I did a pastel sketch when she was younger. It's the little acknowledgements that help the most. Our thoughts are with your family
You've covered it well I think :) I've always believed that dogs are Gods gift to us...........he knew we needed a friend, a companion, a protector, unconditional love wrapped up in a furry body to snuggle.
These are great suggestions. I've had my cat and my husband's cat both cremated and we keep their ashes on our dressers with a picture of them. I've found myself talking to them sometimes. It's hard when non-Pet people don't understand the loss of a furry family member. But there are so many who do understand. I've known some people who rush out and buy/adopt a replica of the lost pet only to be disappointed when the new pet doesn't have the same personality. Sometimes it is best to wait until you know your family is ready.
thank you for sharing this today you were right on point and it helped me today so much. Thank you again god bless you and your family
Not having to be alone. We had to put our first dog down (after 4 years of having him) when he attacked my husband one morning for taking a dead bird out of his mouth. I kept asking myself, was it *really* that bad? But then a wise soul suggested that I was asking the wrong question. If he had done that same thing to our 10 month old baby, would the baby have been okay?
The answer was no.
Unfortunately, my husband could not miss work and I was trying to figure out how to take the dog in and do the balancing act with my baby at the same time. In true miracle fashion, both my mother-in-law and my sister showed up at my front door minutes before having to leave - both left work and dropped plans for the afternoon once the news got to them. I had one to watch my son, and the other to be with me while I held my dog as she passed. That made the most monumental difference.
It might seem silly to be so upset and missing him so much when an aggressive incident was the cause, but I do. I still feel pretty intense waves of grief now, 6 weeks later. He was my first pet and he got me through some very challenging adult years. For that I'll always be grateful to him.
So sorry for your loss.
Oh, sweetie. It's not silly at all to miss him or be upset. One negative incident doesn't erase all of the love and good times you shared. I'm so sorry you had to experience that and I'm so glad you didn't have to be alone. Wish I could give you a great big hug.
When we lost our first cat, a friend made a donation to the local animal rescue in his honor. It was so touching to know that his death meant that more animals could be saved and helped. We now do that when any of our friends lose a pet. We have 2 German Shepherds who are getting older. Reading your posts about losing Charly have made my heart hurt since I know we're facing that twice in the next few years. Sometimes it's hard to remember how worth it it is, even with all the heartache.
We just lost our Irish Setter, Maizie to osteosarcoma 6 weeks ago. She fought it 16 long months after having her front leg amputated. We have lost dogs before but this has been such a hard time for us. I was thinking of getting a Shutterfly photo book with all her pictures in one place. I'm so sorry for your loss❤️
What a wonderful list!
It was such a shocker to us when my husband and I's first dog had to be put down, Spence a Shiba Inu. We only had him 3 years, he was the perfect first pet. It happened Christmas night where he collapsed in the den, and come to find out he had a heart murmur we never knew about that was causing him some pretty serious issues. Making the decision to put him through tests at his old age and leave him by himself over the weekend with no guarantee he'd make it to the next week for us to see him, or let him go before it all got bad--was seriously the hardest decision ever. We never thought we'd choose put him down over fighting for him, but in the end we knew it was the right call.
Those couple of weeks following were the toughest weeks of our married lives. Still are. And you're right, recognizing that loss and allowing yourself to grieve are so essential. These are wonderful gifts to help others and yourself through that time of pain and loss as well! Thanks for the suggestions.
Also, know that when you do decide to get another dog... it will soften the hurt. We adopted another dog after a month had passed, and she definitely comforted our heart in a way that wouldn't have been there if we hadn't gotten her. Praying the right time and right dog will present itself to begin to help mend y'alls hearts as well, and that you all will continue to cherish Charlie through these little mementos, photos, and paintings!
What a great list and some very good ideas for acknowledging the grief of those who have lost a furry member of their family. Grief is a personal thing and sometimes it lasts a long time, but it is such an important step when you lose someone you love. I had tears streaming down my face, as I read about your family's grief. I am glad that you are embracing and acknowledging it and that you have such thoughtful people in your life who have helped you in so many different ways.
It does help to get another dog as I have found out four times now. However, the timing is a personal thing for the whole family and it is likely that you will collectively begin to sense when it is the right time. When we lost Ellie, we decided not to get another dog at all, ever. We are empty nesters and we want to travel and it made sense to simplify our lives in this one area. Plus, I was so devastated by her loss that the idea of bringing another dog into our lives was not something I could embrace. It has been one year, two months and 18 days since we had to let our Ellie go. About a month ago, I started thinking about life with a dog again and rethinking our decision. I don't know if or when we will decide to get another one, but I sure do miss having all of that unconditional love in the form of a dog in my life. I am beginning to look much more closely at all of the dog photos posted on social media, wondering what life would be like with each. Ha! Which explains why my morning post on Facebook was a Dean Koontz quote: "“Once you have had a wonderful dog, a life without one, is diminished." Truth!!! But in your own time.
I follow a gardening blogger who also has dogs (big beautiful Newfoundland dogs). She has planted trees for each of her dogs. She has done this both as a memorial and has also planted a tree during her dogs life and has taken yearly photos of the dog with the tree. She has enough gardening knowledge to be able to pick trees that somehow match her dogs personalities. She gets a lovely reminder of her pets as she works in and walks throughout her yard.
Wow! I love that so much.
Here is her post about picking memorial trees:
http://www.theimpatientgardener.com/2017/05/how-to-choose-memorial-tree.html?m=1
I got a kitten when I was 11, after pestering my parents for months. When I was 26 and she was 15, it was only 11 days until my wedding day, and she became suddenly ill, much like Charly. The vet discovered she had cancer and needed to be put down. The only things that helped was 1) a card from my aunt validating how brutally traumatic this was and that they knew how much she meant to me and 2) I thanked my cat, in the few hours I had between finding out her diagnosis and putting her down, for getting me through the heartbreak years to my wedding. Those 15 years were the years toughest on my self-esteem, feeling worthy, feeling loved, feeling isolated in interpersonal conflicts. My cat was essentially my therapist at the end of the day, and her presence comforted me in those years I couldn't imagine finding my person and in sad moments I couldn't discuss out loud to a person. She was simply present in my pain and loved me through that chapter. Although I was still mourning her on my wedding day, it also made my wedding day much more significant of a new chapter because I HAD to start a new page without my pet. It's been 6 years since she died, and I do think of her and send her light and love, just plain gratitude for helping me through those years. It reminds me a lot of your story with Charly. You got her while dealing with infertility and she got you through that heartbreak. She felt that heartbreak, and she got to see the resolution of it seeing you with all 3 girls at long last. Maybe she knew she had helped you through that, and that it would be okay for her to go because your heartbreak in that area was resolved. Send her gratitude for her love in that unimaginable time, when your present reality of 3 kids seemed impossible, how she brought you from that valley to this mountain top, so to speak.
This is so beautiful and true. Thank you
And here I am again, crying at my desk. What great ideas! Something that I found very touching when we lost both our dogs earlier this year was a good friend made a donation to a local animal shelter in memory of our dogs, and the shelter sent us a letter telling us about the donation. It was such a sweet gesture and really meant a lot to me that they would have even thought to do such a thing. Again, so very sorry for your loss, and thank you for sharing your lives with us.
One of our readers did this for us! Yes! It means so much.
We waited about a year and a half before getting a new dog. Our new dog has only been with us for two weeks, actually. Her presence in the house is indescribably lovely, but if we'd done it too soon we wouldn't have been ready. I'm still mourning our first girl and always will be. Also, not rushing to get a new pup made us feel relaxed about the process once we started it.
I'm very sorry for your loss and wish you healing and peace as the days pass.
I definitely understand the waiting. When our first dog died everyone encouraged us to get a new pet but it was too soon, too hard. We ended up getting our second puppy, Millie about a year and a half later. Even then I had to be careful to not compare her to our beloved Daisy. If I had pushed the time-line I fear I would have resented her for having a different personality and temperament. Waiting is a good choice, you’ll know when it’s time.
When we lost our pet the vet told us the rainbow bridge story. It will make you cry but it also gives some comfort. You can find it online by searching rainbow bridge pet. I wish you peace during this difficult time.
Losing my first dog Murphy last year was indeed the greatest loss I've ever experienced too. He was a great big 90lbs labradoodle who was the sweetest thing - losing that unconditional love from a house leaves a huge hole. I don't think I really gave myself the appropriate time to grieve as we had to put him down just a couple weeks before our wedding. It was such a bitter sweet time for my husband and I. So yes, give yourselves the time to fully grieve Charly girl - and no, people without dogs will not fully understand the magnitude of the pain - but know that she'll always be a part of the story and journey of your family. When you do decide to get a new dog you'll still feel that heart snag for your first dog (it never fully goes away) but then that new love and joy fills new heart spaces and the journey continues.
Sending my deepest condolences on your family's loss of Charly - xo
I don't know if anyone can use this idea, but when I lost my first St. Bernard 10 years ago, I had her individually cremated. It is more expensive than a home yard burial. But I knew I would be moving several times over the coming years (8x to be exact) and I couldn't bear to leave her behind, or put her in the ground. She has made every move with me, and is now joined by my male Saint. Having their ashes is such a comfort for me. Again not for everyone, and a little pricey. At first I was upset by the idea of cremating her, but then I decided it was like a Viking funeral, and if any dog deserved a modern day Viking funeral it was my Bellea, and then my Moosie.
I also wrote down everything I could think of in a letter to her, all the funny, silly, exasperating stuff , every thing I felt about her, so I would not forget. You think there is no way you could forget all the little things, but whenever I read that letter there is always something that had faded from my mind.
All the love for your family at this time. Saints have hearts that can not be put into words, but your goodbye post to Charley is as close as possible I think.
We cremated Charly too. It helps to have her in a small way.
First of all, I'm so sorry for your loss. This is a beautiful and important list, and I'm sure it will help many people. While it's not the same as your situation, my parents' cat, the only pet my children have known well and bonded with, passed last summer. We had a ceremony for her where we each shared a special memory and laid flowers at a little memorial stone in my parents' backyard. My parents told the story of how she joined the family, well before my kids came to know her. We cried and laughed together, which I believe was important for my kids to see. We also made a photo book using Shutterfly and I had the kids share their memories, which I recorded on the last page of the book. They love the pictures, but they especially love reading the wonderful things they loved about her in their own words.
I’m not a huge pet person at all but found myself crying when Charly passed. I’ve been following you guys for years when you were in your last house and feel like I know you all. My heart goes out to your family!
This is such a weird time to ask this question but I’ve listened to a few podcasts again and can’t seem to find the answer. Chris mentioned his brother used something for his baseboards to make them higher but not too high. Could you please share? I know it was the episode about higher ceilings but I can’t seem to find it. Thanks in advance.
Floor jams!
Thanks for always responding!
She meant Door Jambs. :)
Thank you so much for writing this post. Our dog (Daisy) is almost 11 and every time I see her with an arthritis limp, or just not feeling well that day, I get a bit panicked that she may not have much time left with us. Both my daughters will be in college this time next year, so Daisy and I will be empty nester's together and losing her freaks me out a bit. I can't imagine what you've gone through with Charley and my heart hurts for you. But thank you for still thinking about others and putting this list together; it's things we can do now to help us all prepare for the inevitable.
We decided to have our dog cremated. There are a few different Etsy shops that you can send a small amount of ashes to and they will put them in a ring/necklace, I have stackable rings that signify my wedding and my girls birthstones, and now I have one with my dogs ashes so she is always with me! Another thing we also did was plant a memorial tree and put some of her ashes in the soil with it - I chose a magnolia Jane tree because the blooms are just so beautiful just like she was! We also put a memorial stone at its base that says “Her beauty blooms still.” I just love it and can’t wait til spring to see it bloom!
I'm so very glad that we ordered pet paintings from Kim (YBH) before her recent announcement. I'm going to cherish those forever, long after we lose our girls, and well into our next furry kiddos.
It's always nice to have them up and where we can see them every day.
Thank you for this. The loss of a pet is so very hard. I've lost dogs to natural causes and while definitely heart-breaking, having to make the decision to put a dog down regardless of circumstance is a different kind of pain. While I know what you're going through from experience and I know the pain is hard, I also can't imagine doing it with kiddos involved. Thoughts your way! ((I love the necklace idea.))
So much love to your whole family. We lost our beloved boxer last month, so your posts lately have hit so close to home.
One thing I would recommend for families that are able is to have your pet put to sleep at home. We did this, and it was such a beautiful, peaceful family moment. It was so nice to be in our living room with everyone there, and not have to drive home from the vet without our boy. We also had some friends make a little photo book of Stanley, such a loving gesture and now a treasured keepsake.
My sister did this with her dog and it was just so much easier and more comforting for them and for Monty, too, who had a large tumor encasing his spine. He wasn't able to get up or hold any of his own weight any more, so this saved him a painful journey to the vet's office. It's nice to have the option.
I agree, it's a great option, but will add that if you have other pets there's a chance it could have an affect on them - just something to be aware of. In addition to our experience, I heard similar stories when telling friends our experience. Bsasically our younger dog became very fearful of the room where we had it done, and avoided walking in there for 8+ months. She'd whine and get shaky and nervous when we'd try to convince her to come in with us. I felt so bad :( She eventually got over it but it took a long time, a lot of patience, and a lot of treats/training.
When we lost one of our beloved cats, our vet suggested writing her story down. My daughter and I spent some time remembering details of her life and weaving them together with pictures. Sending peace and strength to your family.
We just went through this same thing except there was no warning of the loss! The only thing I could do was go through our 6 years of photos on our Amazon drive and put them all into a mixbook we have on the coffee table. I LOVE being able to open it whenever I miss Finley...seeing all the pictures we have brings a smile to my face every time! And the kids love it!
That's something I want to do for sure! Love the idea.
I’m also working on putting together a book for our dog we just lost recently to bone cancer. I’ve been working on gathering up pictures of him. My husband and I are both writing down our memories and stories of Carson. Some friends have shared their memories of him with us also that will be included in the book. It’s taking some time of course because he was a special dog to us just as Charly was to you.
Time. Time will help. It took six months for me to even be able to consider getting another dog. The first time I tried, too soon, I broke down and sobbed right there at the shelter and had to leave. It was just too soon for me. We have pictures of our various pets throughout the house. It's always nice to see their little faces.